I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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