So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
