We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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