whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
