And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
