Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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