Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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