We're facebook friends in real life
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
