This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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