my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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