I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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