I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
where am i from again
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
