And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
