I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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