Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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