mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
