i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
