Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
