I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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