I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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