She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
