There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
