First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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