just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
