I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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