I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
