Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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