I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
3pm strippers are depressing
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
