At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
