Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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