Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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