i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
