How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
