I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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