Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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