Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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