I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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