and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
