just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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