GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
