pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I still have a little drunk in my system
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize