Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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