my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
