Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
farters have to be the big spoon...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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