Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
