Plan B is the new Plan A
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
