I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
