why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
