i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
