Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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