it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
