the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
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you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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