i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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