Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
