Cold hands, warm shart.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
