So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Send us your Text From Last Night!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
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