chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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