so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
