tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
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then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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