legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
