It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
