Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
