you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
