There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize