UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
