remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
