sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
