i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
