So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
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