sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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