he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
