I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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