it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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