Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize