Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
