So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
